MY BROTHER GIFTED ME LAPTOP WITH HIS SAVINGS! AND ITS BEEN LESS THAN A YEAR SINCE HIS FIRST JOB.
Remember “Gift of Magi” by O.Henry? Yeah, I have been feeling that way.
IT IS A BIG DEAL. IT IS A HUGE DEAL. FOR ME.
BECAUSE I JUST CANNOT COME IN TERMS WITH IT.
WHODOESTHAT? It was meant to be just in books. Reality is supposed to be different, na?
No amount of words can describe what I have been feeling past days.
There’s an acute sense of confusion embedded with guilt- confusion because I am not sure if I’m worthy of the grandeur and guilt because it was my small crib (but now I think it made a huge impact on brother mine) that I am without a laptop and that my life is going nowhere.
That day made me realize about many minute things which we tend to overlook. How undoubtedly lucky I am yet I fail to notice it. How lucky I am to be living the life that I am blessed. How lucky I am to get my crib fulfilled in a span of few days. How lucky I am to be blessed with a brother with whom I may not talk daily but is there when I need him the most. That in spite of having his share of highs-and-lows, he did not hesitate a bit to spend all his savings on me! Of parents, who after ample share of scolding, did allow me to keep the gift. Friends- who are so encouraging about my happiness! And Life which is so rewarding and full of surprises.
How many of us are that lucky?
-We all are.
We just tend to overlook the fact that we are. We all are born with certain traits- these are what makes us unique. We have our way of life, our past our present and our future.
Well, past few weeks has been very challenging for me.
We are now at that point of life when thinking about future makes me scared. The pressure of securing a decent job is equally competitive.
The chaotic times were very tiring and in spite of deviations all we could think about is “Ab aage kya kare?”
But it was amidst the chaos that I found my calm.
No, not only materially, but also for my inner peace.
On 26th March I participated in a marathon run- for the first time in my life. I RAN. I could only imagine me planning this since past two years but never really executed until then.
It was during the run that my subconscious mind gave a good lecture- what I have been missing the past twenty-two years of my existence.
And it’s been four days since then, I am starting to accept that
“NO PAIN NO GAIN” formula is a reality.
It was among those absolutely chaotic and numbing times when I could not tell anyone what good is happening in my life. That, only bad things were highlighted in spite of me wanting not to.
But as they say, we need to face hard days to value good ones.
I am utterly thankful for all people who helped me overcome my depression.
Those endless PJs, not so funny punchline and ridiculously lame videos did make a difference.
I found my calm amidst chaos, I hope you find too.